sheets are not just for making beds and togas.

Imagine if the new popular fashion trend, instead of skinny jeans, wide cut shirts and bohemian, 70's leather bracelets - were sheets.

Hear me out.

To start off with, there would only be one or two people doing it, wearing nothing but underwear and a sheet (with neck and arm holes, of course). People would mock them and say "there goes that bitch who wears the sheet, wtf why would she wear that?" or "hey PILLOWTALK" or, if you study at Bond University, "Hey, are you poor? Like, really poor? Why are you wearing a sheet?"

Then, before you know it, a few more people start wearing sheets. They have their own facebook group ("grr") of which they become fans, have sheet wearing parties, start tye-dying their sheets ect. And then it really becomes popular because a celebrity or two starts to wear their Louis Vuitton bed sheets in their new music videos

Then it starts getting really out of hand.

Fashion labels start releasing their own line of "day sheets" and "night sheets". There are coloured, tye-dyed, acid washed, low cut, skinny, loose fit (basic style) and two toned sheets. Sheets are released in flag colours, colours of popular sporting teams, national flag sheets to wear on national holidays. General Pants releases a range of sheets - and instead of "Scene" kids (who are all different, yet the same) populating affluent restaurants and The Ruby Tramp in their decadent bowler hats and hi-cut jeans shorts - the "Sheet" kids would be the focus of every clothing label, advertising agency and news feed known to man.

If you didn't already realise, this is my take on fashion. I love it, I'd love to have a whole bunch of money to buy nice clothes and get my swagger on. But unfortunately I dont. And so I sit away at my little laptop, tap tap tapping away on my keyboard, dreaming of a day when I can pull up in my Audi Sheet Elegance in my Designer Armani Sheet and wave at the lovely young girls walking across the zebra crossing. Donned in the newest bedware trend, "Pillowcases", they will glance and flash an exasperated frown - not because I am driving such a nice automobile or wearing such a nice shuit (sheet suit) - but because I am wearing outdated, ugly clothing of seasons past. It would not surprise me, if I had one, for my daughter to duck down in the front seat, ashamed of her fashionably-retarded father.

At least, for once, the boys in the Middle East would be happy.